Adventuring in the Seas


Adventuring in the Seas (or other large bodies of water)

When adventuring in the sea there are a multitude of ways in which one can further their status as an adventurer. First, a few obvious things to be aware of:  Jealous Mermen will most definitely be a problem. The confluence of your adventurers’ charm plus the natural wantonness of the Mermaid is a perfect cocktail to find yourself in a world of trouble. Mathematically it is advisable to assume for every Mermaid you engage in sexual congress with you’re going to have to contend with at least three Jealous Mermen on average.  An honest assessment of your skill as a fighter and the weaponry you have quick access to should be your gauge of how many mermaids you plan to entertain whilst adventuring in the seas.

A great many adventurers are tempted by the lure of sunken treasure. Unfortunately, the salad days of shipwreck salvaging has been somewhat dampened by legal red tape. Spain especially has become extremely litigious about its downed ships. Some would advise you to avoid treasure hunting all-together, but clearly the sea-bound adventurer cannot be scared by threats of lawsuits. (See future installment: Adventuring in the courtroom) Careful planning, correct equipment, and your own bold personality should be enough to cast waylay the majority of these qualms. Modern times have led to a lot of popular interest and excitement over the lost booty of failed buccaneers. This sort of pedestrian speculation has soured a lot of the prestige that has historically surrounded the exploration of these lost vessels. Never fear; trends are inherently cyclical. In most adventuring circles, pirate treasure is considered fine and dandy, especially if your intent is to sell and/or donate to a museum. Though there can be much finer loot in the seas, if you know what to look for.

The remains of lost civilizations have great appeal for many adventurers; but these discoveries –flashy though they may seem, are far too often less than spectacular.  Lost civilizations can and should be part of any adventurer’s travelogue but most of them were lost for a reason. If you are lucky, they perished because of their hubris in creating an unstable power source that destroyed them, but more often than not you find a bunch of dolts who worshiped a volcano until it exploded destroying them all in its wake.  These excavations may hold great anthropological value, sure, but it’s not likely to get you the sort of acclaim and prestige that a true adventurer is interested in.

Over 71% of Earth is covered by water, for the intrepid underwater adventurer this can be a great source of income. Early time travelers will surely have difficulty in pinpointing proper locations that fall within the 29% of dry land (many of these early time adventurers also will find themselves underground, fused into free-standing objects, or falling from great heights – see future installment: Adventuring in Time) their folly is your gain.  Retrieval of their devices and personal effects can lead to a big-time payoff. Remember it’s not grave robbing if the corpse hasn’t been born yet! The technology of tomorrow can be influenced by the discoveries of today… even more so when those discoveries are in fact the same pieces of technology that will dominate afore mentioned futures.

As with all adventuring your ability to make friends and impress people is a major tent pole of any expedition. May I suggest you attempt to befriend a local cephalopod? They make better compatriots than whales or sharks; though don’t overlook these guys as possible guns for hire. Many adventurers make the rookie mistake of befriending dolphins. We all know that dolphins will go to ridiculous lengths to save human lives, farther than most humans would go, but this is often a prelude to sexual harassment, rape, or bullying. Dolphins are not to be trusted.

There’s a lot of excitement about retrieving things from underwater, as there should be. But have you considered the possibility of delivering things to the depths of the sea and/or ocean? Lots of people have things to hide, especially wealthy important people –the exact kind of people that will want to befriend you once they learn of your status as an adventurer. This is a great opportunity to increase your adventure funding as well as solidify those needy bonds of friendship. Embarrassing photos, incriminating evidence, or original birth certificates are the sorts of things you might be tasked with hiding. Make sure you take careful notations as to where you have hidden these items. Possibly train a whale or a shark to guard the area if necessary. If you hang around the scientist-adventurer crowd you may be asked to help transport a science-experiment gone awry to a suitable depth where it cannot escape and hurt humans. Make sure you keep an eye out for megalomaniacal lab assistants that have formed emotional bonds with these experiments; they can sabotage your mission which will often result in serious damage to your property. These are great opportunities for networking and wealth accumulation but make sure you are properly prepared for such adventures.

Whether you are squandering a mermaid Princess’s dowry, recovering ancient/future artifacts, or hiding a genetic abomination of science, the question naturally arises, “what should I drink when adventuring in the sea?” Rum is the well-established preferred drink of the pirate or scalawag. It can serve you well if you are a ne’er-do-well fun loving adventurer. But for the more somber and serious adventurer I suggest a sturdy Brandy. It’s a fine drink for sipping as you stand starring out at vast dark mysterious body of water awaiting you.

Good Luck in your adventuring.